By: Melanie Adamsons
You might be tired of hearing how distraction can be ineffective and lead to a build up of additional problems. Sometimes, it can actually be quite effective to not feel the enormity of your feelings at the exact moment they occur. For example, if you are at an important social event and feel embarrassed at having made a social blunder, it’s probably not wise to start sobbing in front of strangers, even if it’s totally understandable.
One way to figure out when distraction is effective or a form of ineffective avoidance is to ask the following questions:
(1) Will acting on my emotional urge at this moment make things worse?;
(2) Am I able to solve the problem immediately?; and
(3) Are there demands right now that I need to stay skillful for and meet?
Distraction can be a hard skill to use at times because it means having to tolerate the sense of urgency to try to solve the problem immediately. If you can solve the problem and stay skillful – great- go ahead ! If not, distract yourself and come back to the problem later. The key idea is that you want to use distraction in an intentional way and for the short-term.
Distraction can quickly become avoidance if it’s being used to solve all of life’s problems- if it’s overused. One way to distract yourself is by distracting yourself with different emotions.
Have you ever noticed that when you feel a very intense emotion, it can compel you to behave in ways that feed that emotion? For example, when you are very sad maybe you play very sad music or watch darker themed shows on Netflix, and you end up feeling more sad. Instead, engage in some activity that is likely to bring on other emotions ( make sure that the event you choose actually creates a different emotion). Keep in mind that any of the following activities can be used for any emotion you feel.
Here are some ideas to get you started :
Anger: watch a comedy film, engage in slow and gentle movement ( such as yoga or stretching), look at cute pictures of animals, or do something kind or thoughtful for someone else.
Shame: spend time with people, be in the company of others, do something self-indulgent, or leave your home or room.
Sadness: read or watch stories of people who have coped effectively with their struggles, do something that brings you a sense of mastery, watch/read a comedy or an uplifting story, listen to upbeat music, watch an action film, plan an outing for the future, or spend time looking at something beautiful.
Fear: watch comedy shows or read humorous materials, look at photos, cards, or messages from loved ones, do something that demands a lot of your attention, such as throwing yourself into an activity that you usually really enjoy, or get really physically comfortable, such as throwing on really snuggly clothing.
Just a thought – if you think it might be too difficult to come up with things to do in the moment, then create a list beforehand. The goal here is not to feel better necessarily but to try and avoid acting in a way that might make things worse in the long-term.