By: Ashley Siegel
As summer approaches, many people find themselves looking forward to vacations, weddings, graduations, camps, family gatherings, and changes in routine. While these events can be exciting, they can also bring stress, uncertainty, and strong emotions.
You might be anticipating an awkward family gathering, feeling nervous about attending a wedding where you won’t know many people, worrying about an upcoming trip, or preparing for your child to attend camp for the first time.
When we know something challenging is coming, it’s easy to get stuck replaying worst-case scenarios. Fortunately, there is a skill that can help us prepare more effectively: Coping Ahead.
What is Coping Ahead?
Coping Ahead is a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) skill that helps people prepare for difficult situations before they happen. Rather than waiting until you’re overwhelmed, Coping Ahead involves identifying a future challenge and mentally rehearsing how you would like to handle it.
Think of it as emotional preparation. Just as athletes practice before a competition or musicians rehearse before a performance, we can prepare ourselves to navigate stressful situations more effectively.
Why Do We Need It?
When we anticipate a stressful event, our minds often focus on everything that could go wrong.
Before a family barbecue, you might think:
- “Someone is going to bring up politics.”
- “I’m going to get criticized about my life choices.”
- “I’m going to end up losing my temper.”
Before a vacation, you might think:
- “Something is going to go wrong.”
- “The flights will be delayed.”
- “I won’t be able to relax.”
Before a graduation or social event, you might think:
- “I won’t know what to say.”
- “I’ll feel awkward.”
- “Everyone else will seem more confident than me.”
While these thoughts are understandable, they don’t help us prepare. Instead, they often increase anxiety and leave us feeling less capable.
How Coping Ahead Works
Imagine you’re attending a large family gathering this summer and know that conversations with a particular relative tend to leave you feeling frustrated.
Using Coping Ahead, you might:
- Picture yourself arriving at the gathering.
- Imagine the relative making a comment that typically bothers you.
- Notice feelings of irritation arising.
- Visualize yourself taking a slow breath.
- Remind yourself of your goals for the event.
- Practice responding calmly or changing the subject.
- Imagine yourself leaving the interaction feeling proud of how you handled it.
The goal isn’t to ensure the interaction goes perfectly. The goal is to strengthen your confidence in your ability to manage it effectively.
Practicing Coping Ahead
Step 1: Describe a situation that is likely to create negative emotions.
- Be specific in describing the situation and focus on the facts
- Name the emotions you are likely to experience in the situation
Step 2: Decide what DBT skills you want to use in the situation.
- Be specific. Write them out!
Step 3: Imagine the situation in your mind as vividly as possible.
- Imagine yourself in the situation now
- Picture:
- The environment
- The people involved
- The emotions that arise
- Think about what skills may help you navigate the situation. These might include:
- Deep breathing
- Grounding exercises
- Self-validation
- Taking a brief break
- Using mindfulness
- Asking for support
- Setting boundaries
Step 4: Rehearse coping effectively in your mind
- Reheard exactly what you could do to cope effectively in your mind.
- Rehearse your actions, your thoughts, what you say, and how you say it
- Troubleshoot: Rehearse coping with problems that might arise
Life will always include stressful moments, even during seasons that are meant to be enjoyable. Whether you’re preparing for a family gathering, a vacation, a graduation, or another important event this summer, Coping Ahead can help you approach challenges with greater confidence and flexibility.
The next time you catch yourself rehearsing everything that could go wrong, consider asking yourself:
“What would it look like to rehearse coping instead?”
That simple shift can help transform anxiety into preparation and uncertainty into confidence.