“THAT’S A WRAP!”: Conversations to have with your teen at the end of the school year

By Aranda Wingsiong

It is natural for your teen to feel some anxiety as you bring up topics related to school at the end of the year. That said, it is important to guide them through evaluating their experiences so that you can help them with setting short-term and long-term goals. Below are a list of ideas for questions to ask your teens to get the ball rolling.

Like many adults, the disruptions and changes related to the pandemic may contribute to feeling like they have little control over what happens in the next chapter of their lives. Prior to having these conversations, be sure to exercise the following skills:

  • Validation
    • Acknowledge the challenges that they had to face since having to switch to
      online classes or e-learning. Students may have mixed feelings about the end of
      the school year. They may experience relief from having to attend classes,
      disappointment about limited interactions with friends and classmates, or
      anxiety about having to re-take courses they failed this year.
  • Dialectics
    • Strive to find a balance between accepting where
      your teen is right now, and working with them towards change. For example, you
      may help them to accept the grades they received while also thinking of ways to
      increase school attendance or work completion in the future. Dialectical
      statements       are helpful for reducing intense emotions and bringing
      new perspectives to a problem.
  • Self-Compassion
    • Model self-compassion to your teen so they will
      get in the practice of healthy self-talk and reduce self-criticism. Pause and reflect on your own
      thoughts about your role as a parent. Are you able to practice some
      self-compassion? Then, notice when you are leaning towards criticizing and
      blaming rather than collaborating and listening. The former may lead to
      withdrawing, arguing, and shutting down—which will close the door for
      productive conversations with your teen.

Begin with reflecting and evaluating. When it feels right, invite your teen to extend their observations to short-term or long-term goals. For many, it may be difficult to build up to extending questions. What is important is that your teen feels heard at the end of your conversation because this will encourage them to accept your future invitations to revisit these same topics at a later time. Remember, these work best when approached with a genuine sense of curiosity.

General Reflections

  • What was the most memorable part of school this
    year (e.g. , before/during the pandemic)?
  • When thinking about school this year, what
    emotions come up for you?
  • What is something that you wish you had the
    chance to do this year?
  • Now that school is ending, what are some
    thoughts that come up for you?

Evaluate

  • There are things I have been doing because I
    think they will help you become successful in school. What has worked? What has
    not worked?
  • What was it like trying to talk to your teachers
    or asking them for help? What was helpful? What was not as helpful?
  • What was it like getting support or help from
    others when you were having a tough time (e.g. teacher, friends, tutor)?
  • The amount of effort we put into the things we
    do may change over time. When do you remember putting in more effort on your
    work, than usual? How did that turn out?

Extend

For senior high school students, adjust the questions depending on your child’s options for next year (e.g. returning to high school, post-secondary, work, etc.)

  • What are some things that did not go as planned? What would you have wanted to do instead?
  • If you could go back to the beginning of the school year and talk to your old self, what message or advice would you give? How could this advice help you for the next school year?
  • What is one thing about school that you would like to work on, or wish you could improve?
  • What is one thing about yourself that you would like to work on, or wish you could improve?
  • What is one thing that I could do to help you?

Images

Yuhao, P. (2018). Graduation. Unsplash. https://unsplash.com/photos/_kd5cxwZOK4.