By Stephanie Voth, MSW RSW
New Year’s resolutions are not a new concept and for many people, they are something to avoid. Most of us have grand intentions on New Year’s Eve, but the motivation slowly fizzles out and the urge to avoid sets in. But perhaps we’ve been going about these resolutions all wrong. According to recent research, approximately 40% of people who make New Year’s resolutions actually maintain the behavioural changes for at least 6 months. 25% of those who set goals give up after the first week.
Many people around the world have been in survival mode for most of 2020. Though we’ve encountered a lot of emotions like sadness, anger, or guilt, we’ve also proven that we can adapt. The majority of humans around the globe have made changes when necessary or in the best interest of others.
I’ve heard several people say 2020 was the worst year. Instead of rushing to forget how difficult and undesirable it was, perhaps we can learn from our responses, mistakes and use this data to generate new goals and hopes for ourselves this coming year. The start of a calendar year provides an opportunity for self-reflection and re-evaluation as we build new habits that point us towards the life we want to live.
CHOOSING A RESOLUTION
Who do we want our future self to be? Perhaps the realities of the pandemic and the new way of existing has inspired a desire for change whether that be decluttering our home spaces or prioritizing time with family or friends. With numerous options of behaviours or habits worth tackling, it can be challenging to select one New Year’s resolution or a worthwhile goal to focus on.
The most common New Year’s resolutions tend to involve healthy living whether that involves balanced eating, more regular exercise, or to quit smoking. If you’re contemplating a different type of goal for this year, you might consider watching this video from author and philanthropist, Joshua Becker, who offers 11 ideas for New Year’s resolutions. Becker suggests adopting at least one of these resolutions for a healthier and happier life in 2021. He also provides links to research studies that discuss each resolution.
- Physical exercise (healthy bodies, minds and confidence, positive body image)
- Less television (negative influence of TV on our minds and life satisfaction)
- Go outside (increased energy, wards off feeling of exhaustion, better well-being)
- Read fiction (better brain activity)
- Give (charitable giving boosts happiness and reduces stress especially when it promotes social connection)
- Serve (volunteer 2 hours per week, feel more efficient with time, feel better about self, less stress, deeper connection with others)
- Buy less stuff and add more experiences (buying experiences contributes to greater happiness for consumer and people around them)
- Display gratitude (express gratitude at least 3 times each day)
- Practice smiling (recall pleasant memories or think more positively about current circumstances and smile, improve mood and connect with others better)
- Stop and play (fun, enjoyable, enriches the lives of children and has same positive result on adults)
- Determine to be happy
GETTING STARTED
So how does one actually shift or add a behaviour and make it stick? How can we set realistic goals that are actually achievable? Is change even possible? Take time to identify core values that will guide the journey to the goal and serve as a reminder when faced with the urge to revert back to old patterns. It’s helpful to be mindful of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Reflecting on the past year can assist in determining any areas you would be wiling to try a different approach or aim to change overtime.
Having realistic expectations about what success will look like is key. How will you measure progress, achievement, or failure? Do you have to do the new behaviour every single day from January 1st to December 31st to consider yourself successful? Instead, could success look like taking smaller steps and celebrating any progression towards the goal?
Dr. Pauline Wallin, a licensed psychologist who has studied New Year’s Resolutions, offers several suggestions for developing a goal and plan for the new year.
- Start when you’re ready– There’s no rule that says you MUST start a new behaviour or make changes ON January 1st. It’s better to start once you’ve clearly identified your goal, made an action plan and developed the support network to help you follow through on your goals.
- Prioritize your goals and focus on ONE behaviour– It can be tempting to select multiple goals or areas to change. Juggling too many goals (or goals that are too broad) can become overwhelming or feel impossible to achieve. Instead, it’s recommended to choose one or two specific, narrow goals to focus on.
- Create an action plan– Do not expect to accomplish a goal without some planning. Creating an action plan will likely involve thinking about WHAT you want to accomplish and HOW you will accomplish it. Also plan how you will deal with predictable temptations, discomfort and setbacks (or plateaus of progress).
- Set incremental goals with deadlines– Start small with clear and timely goals and then set reminders in your phone. For example, if your goal is to run a marathon, you don’t start immediately by running the marathon. Rather, you do research, find an appropriate location, hire a personal trainer or a friend to join you, gather supplies and clothing, create a schedule that includes time for training, begin training with smaller distances and build up once you’ve accomplished the smaller steps first. You don’t do this all in one day. In fact, you’ll likely find that accomplishing the smaller tasks offers positive feelings of accomplishment and generates motivation to keep going.
- Monitor your behaviour– Apps and other tools can assist with tracking your new behaviours and action plan. A therapist can assist with developing a system to monitor the new behaviour and the impact on your mood. A therapist can also assist with tracking weekly progress and troubleshooting barriers or roadblocks along the way. Intentional practice helps you build a habit and observing progress will help keep you motivated and engaged.
- Build in imperfection– The reality is, you’re most likely going to forget about your resolution at least once or you’ll feel like change isn’t happening as quickly as desired or you’ll have an urge to avoid a task even if you identify the value behind it. It’s how you handle the imperfection and humanness that counts. Instead of giving up completely, notice feelings and thoughts that come when this occurs. Choose to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Encourage yourself and be open to re-evaluating or shifting your goals if needed.
- Expect discomfort– Part of having realistic expectations is knowing that there will be discomfort. Change is hard and it does not always feel good. Breaking a habit and forming a new one will feel odd and a bit unnatural in the beginning. Use opposite action and try the new behaviour even when you don’t feel like it.
Change is hard. Change is slow. Changing or undoing a habit that is ingrained can be an uncomfortable process that does not come naturally. So why even try? Making efforts to become the person we want to be is worth trying again and again, slowly chipping away as we build a life worth living.
As you plan to make a personal change this year, remember that having realistic expectations, making a clearly defined plan, and involving a supportive network can increase the likelihood of success no matter what external circumstances come in 2021. Be kind to yourself as you take the courageous steps toward physical, emotional, mental and social health this year and beyond.
Resources
Image
Akkus, A. (2015). Post-it Notes. Akkus, A. (2015). iStock. https://www.istockphoto.com/photo/notes-of-life-resolutions-pinned-on-bulletin-board-gm466820740-59964468. .