By: Zahra Ali, M.Phil, RP
We now know from research that regulating emotions is key to well-being. In fact, all human behaviors, in one way or another, are attempts to regulate our internal systems as they interact with our dynamic environments. However, sometimes our attempts to regulate our emotions may lead to ineffective results or may feel good in the short term but have repercussions in the long run. How do we respond to intense emotions and problems in a way that keeps us aligned with our values while also allowing us to validate ourselves?
Opposite action and problem solving are two powerful techniques in DBT. Each serves a unique purpose and can also be used in tandem to help you navigate your emotions and make thoughtful decisions.
What is Opposite Action?
Opposite action involves deliberately choosing behaviors that are contrary to the urges driven by a strong emotion. For instance, if you’re feeling intensely anxious about attending a social event and your instinct is to avoid it, opposite action would encourage you to attend the event despite your anxiety. This counterintuitive approach helps break the cycle of reinforcing negative emotions through avoidance or other maladaptive behaviors.
When to Use Opposite Action?
Opposite action is most effective when you’re dealing with an emotion that doesn’t necessarily match the situation or when acting on the emotion would lead to unhelpful outcomes. It’s particularly useful when:
The Emotion is Out of Proportion: When you feel that your emotion doesn’t fit the facts and is out of proportion—for example, when you believe that the situation’s facts don’t warrant anger or when you would rather be disappointed or slightly annoyed over a minor inconvenience—you may want to recalibrate and act contrary to your emotional urges.
The Emotion is getting in the way: When you notice that your emotions are all-consuming and are preventing you from doing important things in life or from showing up effectively, you may want to reconsider how much of these emotions are actually conducive to your well-being.
Behaviour is counterproductive: When you believe that the behavior might have negative consequences in the short term or long run and will steer you away from your goals or values, it is best to act contrary to the natural impulse to hide, avoid, approach or attack.
How to Practice Opposite Action?
- Observe and describe the emotion: All emotions have roots in our bodies. Notice where and how they manifest in your body, and label the emotion without being judgmental. Are you feeling sad, anxious, fearful?
- Acknowledge the action urge: Does the emotion want you to isolate yourself, attack or argue with somebody or avoid a situation
- Check the facts: Take a step back and consider all the information about everything that happened before you started feeling the emotion. Ask yourself: Do I have the complete truth? Are there any gaps? Is there an alternative way to think about this? Then, see whether this review justifies what you are feeling and to what extent.
- Ask your wise mind: Take a deep breath and ask yourself: Would I act on this urge if I were in my wise mind? Would acting on this urge be the most effective course of action, and would it yield the results I want in the long term?
- Act opposite: f you decide that the facts don’t justify your emotion or its intensity, then act contrary to your initial urge. For example, if you determine that your anger is unjustified in the moment, avoid confronting the colleague, distract yourself, and reconsider the situation when you are calmer. Another example would be if your sadness is all-consuming after a breakup and is preventing you from showing up to work or taking care of yourself. In this case, avoiding sad music, refraining from reading old messages, or not looking at old pictures can help you regulate yourself and act more effectively.
- Use other distress tolerance skills: If you are too consumed by the emotion, use other distress tolerance skills first. For e.g., STOP, use ice, self soothe, do pros and cons of acting on your urge, radically accept what is not in your control or what you cannot change in the moment.
- Keep at it: It is natural for humans to rely on feeling a certain way before they are motivated to take action. Of course, our emotions are important messengers in that regard. However, it is also quite effective the other way around. Our behaviors or actions can be powerful motivators for our feelings! So, step out of your room and try moving or listening to upbeat music even when you least feel like it, and you might be surprised at how that changes your feelings or at least makes them more tolerable, or brings you to a clearer state of mind.
What to do when the emotion fits the facts?
When you notice that your emotion is proportionate, the situation warrants feeling the emotion with its current intensity, and there is a solvable problem at hand, you should address the environment or situation and seek practical solutions.
How to Practice Problem Solving?
- Identify the problem by checking the facts.
- Regulate yourself using distress tolerance skills.
- Brainstorm as many solutions as you can; you might want to consult with someone to help with this.
- Narrow down your list to the most feasible solutions, then perform a pros and cons analysis of these solutions. Choose the one with more pros or fewer severe cons in both the short term and the long term.
- Plan ahead to implement the solution by considering the resources you might need. For example, you might need someone to drive you to a location, set up a meeting with someone, use a fidget toy, or decide on action steps for after you resign from a position or have a conversation.
- Review and reflect. If the solution did not work entirely, revisit the strategy and modify it. It usually takes multiple attempts to solve a problem.
Can you combine opposite action and problem solving?
Yes! Sometimes, you may recognize your emotion and urges to be extreme and ineffective in a situation, acting opposite to these urges may help regulate, activate wise mind and make you more likely to solve a problem at hand more effectively and more in line with who you are or aspire to be.
Disclaimer: These techniques are not meant to vilify emotions or change the human experience of emotions. In fact, taking a step back to observe your emotions and checking the facts of the situation also allows you to validate the emotion if it fits the situation or your reasons for feeling that way. Remember, just because you feel a certain way doesn’t mean you always need to act on it. An emotion may still be valid in the situation, but the action may need to be modified. Most people find it easier to decide on a wiser course of action once they are able to acknowledge their emotions and validate themselves. Here is a feeling wheel that I have adapted to include opposite action. It refers to some skills from the DBT manual. If you are unfamiliar with any of the terminology in the wheel, check out other DBT resources online or talk to your therapist.
