By: Alissa Vieth, RD
When we gather with others it is often going to involve food, especially with holidays or festive gathering when we get together with family and friends. Whether you are recovering from an eating disorder, disordered eating, or chronic dieting, gathering will present new and different challenges and obstacles. The reality is that we live in a diet culture and will interact with people who might be judgmental about food choices while also making unhelpful comments about their own or others’ food choices and bodies.
When we gather with others it offers us a chance to connect with those that we love and celebrate traditions and make new ones. Social gatherings during holidays can be extra exciting or extra stressful, depending on your feelings about food. Here are just a few strategies to support you through these gatherings while staying on track with your recovery.
Plan ahead and stick with your eating routines. When a day has a social gather that will include food and eating it is critical that you do not deviate from your meal plan. Ensure adequate nutrition throughout the day to support recovery and normalize acting against diet culture norms or eating disorder behaviours like skipping meals before a gathering. Take the time to nourish and fuel your body for the full day before and after the gathering.
Mentally prepare yourself and set out a cope ahead plan. Start discussions with your support team (therapist, dietitian, or supportive individuals in your life) and strategize about the gathering. If you know that certain foods, events, or individuals have been triggering in the past, set out a cope ahead plan for how you can navigate these challenges. The plan can include actions and skills that you can engage with before, during, and after.
Plan how to deal with unwanted food or body/ weight comments. Unfortunately, within the culture that we live in, popular topics often might center around diet or weight-related discussions and knowing how to respond will be important. To not be put off guard it can be helpful to plan and practice responses to comments. Here are some ways that you can respond to diet or bodyweight comments:
1- Change the subject. Create a list of go-to topics that you can use when you need to change the subject. “Did you know …” or “Let’s talk about …”
2- Ask THEM a question. If someone makes a comment about what you are choosing like “should you be eating that” or “You are skinny and can eat that” dont respond directly to the comments and shift the focus to them. Here is just an idea of what you could say:
“This is my favourite flavour/ cookie/ food. What do you enjoy?”
3- Set boundaries. Unfortunately, others might not be aware of the work that you are doing in recovery or to support your body and relationship to food. A comment like “Have you gained/ lost weight” might be really triggering so if you feel able, set a strong boundary.
“I would prefer it if you don’t make comments about my body. It is not very helpful to me.”
4. Affirm that you are not open to commentary.
“Actually, do you know what, I am doing well and have a care team that is supporting me. If i ever need your advice I will ask.”
5. Excuse yourself and take a timeout. If you find you are getting overwhelmed, or just need a break you can step away and take a pause. It is always an option to excuse yourself from a situation and take a few minutes to step away, take a few breaths and or connect with a support person.
Be Kind to Yourself. If you eat more than you had planned, binged, purged, or restricted, do not dwell. Once you notice, do not engage in all-or-nothing thinking and resume with your regular patterns at your next meal/ snack. Remember recovery is not linear, it’s like a rollercoaster with ups and downs. Through this process, you are learning positive coping skills and allowing yourself to make mistakes and respond in a compassionate and supportive way. Remember that letting go of disordered eating patterns is hard work that takes time and lots of patience and practice.
May these tips offer you some added support and guidance to help you successfully navigate eating with others at social gatherings, especially during holidays.