By: Agustina Jorquera, M.Ed., Registered Psychotherapist
The holiday season has passed and a common ritual for many people is to practice goal setting for the New Year. For some of us, this period is about reflecting on attitudes and ways of living that we may like to carry forward while considering creating changes in other aspects of our lives (i.e., foster new relationships, pick up a new hobby, invest more evenly in the personal and the occupational realms, adopt healthier sleep hygiene or nutritional routines). I would like to dedicate this short article to differentiate between setting intentions vs. setting acquisitions.
The idea for this article emerged as I was driving with a friend of mine close to the end of 2021, and we asked ourselves: what would we want to keep from this year (and ‘carry forward’ toward the New Year) and what changes do we want to see in the New Year? We found ourselves observing that most of our wishes surrounded acquisitions (i.e., going to a cottage country that we have been wanting to visit, setting healthier PLEASE skills, dedicating more time for self-care). All of the aforementioned shared that fact that they are in some ways, acquisitions (i.e., working less or more hours, making more time or less time for something that we prioritize).
The Challenge:
In this blog, I would like to challenge ourselves to think about another dimension of change which is in the ‘how’ we want to think about our intentions, not just in the acquisitional aspect.The questions below may help us reflect further on intentions that we want to keep from 2021 and intentions that we may want to change in 2022:
- How do I want to experience closeness with others? (i.e., by being more vulnerable and disclosing in relationships that are safe and healthy)
- How do I want to participate in my tasks of every-day life? (i.e., more mindfully, less anxious about the tasks that I have to accomplish and more aware of my actions and inner emotions as I take part in these tasks)
- How do I want to experience myself saying ‘no’ to requests that I am not willing to engage in? (i.e., by practicing the skill of observing and describing my discomfort and urges to say ‘yes’ as I set healthy boundaries, by remaining aware of the values driving my decisions)
- How do I want respond when opportunities that I want don’t present themselves as I had planned? (i.e., by practicing self-compassion vs. self-invalidation, by providing encouragement vs. negative commentary, by observing negative commentary and choosing to use the STOP skill to step back from it)
- How do I want to experience the act of apologizing when I have been ineffective in a relationship? (i.e., by plunging into the discomfort while holding myself in high and truthful regard vs. over-apologizing and making myself ‘small’)
- How do I want to approach situations that are not under my control? (i.e., unwanted lockdowns that may increase social distancing, navigating events that are unexpected)
The above questions are examples of setting intentions on how to approach life vs. setting acquisitions on what we want to get or achieve in life. It is the difference of the ‘WHATs’ vs. the ‘HOWs’ in our lives. The ‘HOWs’ on living our lives can increase our sense of involvement in our self-growth on how to show-up and participate in the ‘ins and outs’ of life in a more mindful way that can be portable to situations in which we may not be able to get the acquisitions that we hoped for!
Image retrieved from unsplash.com