By Therese Kenny, MA
For the first time ever, I am growing a garden (with help from my partner who knows much more about gardening and does not forget to water plants). In the process, I have noticed myself softening and opening up to different experiences. I have gained patience while waiting for the tomatoes to ripen. I have tried to apply the same compassion that I give to our plants to myself. I have found joy with which I was not previously connected. While I initially viewed my role as a psychology trainee and a gardener as separate, I am increasingly learning how much gardening can show me about DBT. Below I offer some of the insights that I have made about gardening and DBT and invite you to consider the ways in which your day-to-day (at times seemingly mundane) activities may offer opportunities for learning, practicing, and applying skills.
- Turning the mind: I am self-proclaimed not a plant person. I kill any plant that gets within 20 feet of me. If it doesn’t ‘meow’ at me, I will not remember to provide fresh water. And no one has ever asked me to watch their plants while they are away because…well, because I am not a plant person. So you can imagine how surprised my friends and family were when I announced that my partner and I would be growing a vegetable garden. Initially, I held onto my anti-plant lady status letting my partner take care of the watering and garden management. Very quickly though, I noticed increased willingness toward growing a garden. I was able to turn my mind and find interest, excitement, and even joy in our new adventure. This joy actually propelled me to take a more active role in our gardens.
- Accumulating positive events: In what was very surprising to me, checking on the garden has become a routine pleasant event in my day. I make sure to take a look at least once during my lunch break or after dinner. I have noticed that this daily positive event boosts my mood and gives me something to look forward to. It has also allowed me to connect with friends who are also exploring gardening, as we send pictures and updates about our vegetables.
- Mindfulness: My daily checks have also provided an opportunity for mindfulness. In particular, I have noticed that I am fully participating and one mindful when checking on the garden. I am focused on noticing what is the same and what is different. I can experience joy in seeing a new tomato and disappointment in there not being any cucumbers yet. All feelings are okay in my garden!
- Radical acceptance: Of course, not everything about gardening has been hunky dory! I have had to accept that we share a backyard with many other creatures, including but not limited to a groundhog, a possum, and a skunk. The groundhog is particularly interested in our garden and enjoys mowing down our lettuce. This initially disheartened me – all of our hard work gone to waste! After taking a moment to grieve the loss of our baby lettuce, I began to accept that we share the backyard with the groundhog and that there is nothing I can do to change the groundhog’s behaviour this year (maybe we will put up some fencing next year). Once I was able to accept this (and truly accept this), my joy for gardening returned. I was able to allow both the mowed down lettuce and the growing tomatoes in the same box.
To come full circle, no – I still do not consider myself a plant person. And I am able to enjoy the benefits of a garden and to learn from the experience of gardening. It’s a dialectic! I hope that reading about my gardening experience will give you an opportunity to take pause and reflect on what areas of your life might also offer the opportunity to deeper explore DBT skills. You just might surprise yourself – I certainly did!
Lisa. (2018). Photograph. Pexels. https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-digging-on-soil-using-garden-shovel-1301856/