By Jenny Gomez, M.A
Yesterday, my partner encouraged me to go for a long bike ride through the trails of our local beach. It was a beautiful day, and the warm sun on my face and the lovely, cool breeze was so restorative. I can still envision the lush, green leaves along the path, the sparking blue water, and the sailboats dotted throughout the harbour. That one hour brought me so much joy, but, here’s the thing –I didn’t want to go. Not. At. All. I wanted to stay curled up on my couch watching a show I wasn’t even that interested in (yes, even therapists struggle with watching too much Netflix!). I just didn’t feel motivated to move or to do something pleasant and enjoyable. Engaging in pleasant activities can be tough, and it is very important, especially during a time of increased stress.
As humans, we have collectively faced a painful, challenging, and emotionally exhausting past six months. We were not ready for a global pandemic, nor for the loss, instability, and upheaval associated with such an experience. Many folks lost access to activities that brought them joy and increased their well-being (e.g., gyms/yoga, team sports, recreational activities with loved ones), and young people especially suffered the loss of many important and meaningful life experiences –prom, graduation, summer vacations, camp, school clubs (to name a few). We thrive with a balance of flexibility and structure, and Covid-19 singlehandedly dismantled many of our plans. There are still many unknowns, and for many people anger, depression, anxiousness, sadness etc. are still painfully present.
While we may not have control over certain aspects of our external world, we can manage our emotional well-being by setting ourselves up to regulate our emotions the best we can, even in a time of continued pain and uncertainty. One way of doing this is through accumulating positive experiences. It is incredibly beneficial to make sure we have lots of positive, pleasant experiences to balance out the tough and painful ones. At first glance, engaging in pleasant activities may seem simple, but when we are tired, anxious, sad, this can be incredibly difficult to do. For someone who is experiencing depression, even getting out of bed in the morning can feel like a herculean attempt. Below are some tips for how to successfully increase positive experiences in your life:
*Make a date with yourself – schedule it in! Physically add activities to your planner. You can choose a colour that represents time set aside for an activity that will bring you joy. If you’re having a difficult week, knowing you have this time carved out can help give you something to look forward to.
*Be mindful and present – get into the flow. Use mindfulness skills to stay in the moment and be fully engaged in the activity at hand. Doing something you enjoy while ruminating or worrying is unlikely to be helpful. You may find your mind wandering, and that is perfectly ok. Use your senses to bring your mind back to the present moment.
*Keep a list of activities to choose from (e.g., painting, walking in nature, canoeing, reading a new book, getting an ice cream cone, planning a dream vacation, knitting, cooking, going for a drive while listening to your favourite music, playing with a pet, listening to a favourite band).
*Consider low versus high energy activities. Think about what is realistic for you given your current situation and experiences.
*Take your values and goals into account. Pleasant activities can function as steps that lead us toward a life worth living and a life that is in line with our values. For example, if you want to become a person who values movement/exercise, going for a short, mindful walk on a consistent basis is a step toward that.
*Use the environment to help set yourself up for success. Once you schedule your activity with yourself, think of what you can do to make it even more likely that you’ll actually follow through – e.g., putting out art supplies the day before, making a song list for your bike ride, asking someone else to go with you. You may need to use opposite action to get yourself moving, meaning, you act opposite to your urge in the interest of doing that something that is more helpful and effective (like me and my bike ride!).
*Importantly, be kind, and thoughtfully and compassionately consider barriers. We are all doing the best we can and sometimes it’s challenging to do things we know will be helpful. Contrary to what we often believe, shaming ourselves and being critical doesn’t help motivate us. Instead, we want to reflect on what did (or did not) work and plan alternatively moving forward.
Additional resources
https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-flow/
Image
Kendall, C. (2020). Bike Ride. Unsplash. https://unsplash.com/photos/M1sHUvZtRIA.