The human experience can be profoundly beautiful and meaningful, yet it inevitably involves moments of suffering. During times of pain and suffering, we often treat ourselves in a way we would never treat someone we love and respect. In fact, for many, being self-critical may come more naturally than being compassionate or kind. We may not even be aware of the extent to which we criticize our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Being mindful of how we respond to ourselves and treating ourselves in the way we would treat a good friend or a loved one is called self-compassion. Self-compassion is compassion directed inwards. It is different than intellectually recognizing pain, in that self-compassion is active and deliberate and involves providing self-directed support and kindness. Self-compassion also involves recognizing that we are not alone in our suffering– it is deeply human to experience ebbs and flows in life.
How we speak to ourselves matters, and the stories that we tell ourselves matter. Self-compassion has been shown to have positive benefits for mental health. It is related to increased psychological wellbeing and is protective against distress. Increased self-directed compassion may also decrease experiences of shame/self-harshness and help to facilitate increased emotion regulation skills and awareness.
It is common for self-kindness to initially feel inauthentic, strange, or even threatening. If a person is not used to be treated with gentleness and understanding, it may feel odd to experience this way of relating to oneself. Working with a therapist who is well-versed in self-compassion practices can help increase tolerance and capacity for this skill.